Sparring Frustration
Lately, I have had several parents tell me their kids are telling them that they are being hit while sparring. First of all, remember that this is a martial arts school. Students WILL get hit. But even so, our safety rules really do keep people from getting hurt. When was the last time you saw a kid get a black eye or busted lip caused by a kick or punch in class? Heck, have you even seen them get any bruises in the body or face? No, you haven’t. We watch the control level of the students very closely. What many also fail to understand is that we not only look for excessive contact, we can hear it. So rarely does anyone get hit too hard without us knowing about it. Do hard hits happen? You bet. We aren’t a ballet school. But they are rare and nearly ever time one of the kids does get hit hard they rise to the occasion. It is usually a shining moment for them because they always shake it off quickly, keep going and I never hear anything else about it. That is why we give them a high five. It is a sign that yes, they did get hit hard and that they handled it well.
What the kids don’t handle well is the losing! Sparring is, by its very nature, a test of ones skills. When you get hit, especially when preparing for a tournament or testing, it can be extremely frustrating because one of the primary goals is NOT to get hit. Remember that “Kicking people in the head is awesome” but very hard to do. So every time that kick or punch “gets” you, it drives you mad because you feel there is nothing you can do about it. What’s worse is the more frustrated you get the more tense you become, and the more tense you are the slower you become. It’s like driving the car with the emergency break on. The slower you are, the more you get hit. The more you get hit, the more frustrated you get. It’s an easy cycle to get started. Once started, every little tap feels like the end of the world. If your child tells you they are getting hit “too hard,” what they are really saying is that they are getting hit “too often” and they feel like they are always “losing.”
All you need to do is tell them it will be OK and for them to keep trying. Because the bright spot is that we usually feel this way right before we make a break through that enables us once again to dominate. Remember, its times like this when we learn the self confidence and perseverance we need not only on the mat, but off of it as well.
