I am watching sparring one night and a mom calls me over to tell me how her son just stinks at sparring and that he should do “this” and do “that” instead of what he was doing. I looked at her and replied, “Please tell me you didn’t say that to him?” She looked at me funny at first and then said, “Well, yeah, how else is he going to get better?” I just shook my head as a muttered a word better not written here under my breath. I then called a halt to sparring and went over to the kid. “Hey, I just talked to your mom. She thinks she knows more about sparring than you and me, what do you think?” He shook his head no. ‘So forget EVERYTHING she said to you about sparring then and listen to ME! Do what feels right to you and keep your hands up like I told you!” That is when I said “GO!” And as sparring resumed the kid fell into his normal rhythm. I then returned to the mom. “Your child is different than the other kids because he is a counter fighter by nature, he gives ground and then nails his partner as he/she lowered their defense when starting or finishing an attack.’ As I pointed this out to the mother and educated her on what was REALLY happening out there, which was him kicking the other kids, she finally admitted something. “Well, I thought since he was backing up all the time, he was losing.” I shook my head. “It is different out there than it is standing here and more importantly, you have NO IDEA what you are talking about. If you ever tell your kid how to spar again, you will have to put on gear and learn it first hand yourself! Now please let me handle this it’s what I DO!”

I have been teaching Taekwondo sparring for some forty years now, and having sparred on more than one occasion, I feel I have the right to tell a parent that some of the things they say to their kids are not in their best interest. I can’t help but shake my head and laugh. I know, you don’t mean to interfere. You care so much and you want so badly to help your child, but you just don’t know what you’re talking about when it comes to sparring. Unlike other sports where the can sometimes see more than the players on the field, sparring is different. Most parents admit that sparring is way different than it looks. You have to actually stand out there and have techniques come at you to understand what is going on. I know you want to help. But you can’t. They have to learn it ON THEIR OWN because the tactics used by each person are adapted from their personality type and their technical strengths. It’s all about ATTITUDE! If you give them tactical advice outside of the basics or their sparring style, you will only create hesitation and confusion. That will result in a kick upside their head. And trust me that can be pretty counter productive. All they need is time, practice, patience, positive encouragement and an occasional kick in the butt from you on an emotional level that they will succeed. Trust me, one day you will blink, and when you open your eyes, they will be doing stuff that you can’t believe!