Years ago, I attended a seminar about student retention. Since I really get to know and care about each and every one of my students and I want to see them succeed, and the fact that many become my friends, I was looking forward to this seminar, boy was I disappointed. As I listened to this “expert,” I was amazed by his recommendations. Remove board breaking from the curriculum as it was far too negative for a student not to break. Do not critique forms or technique too closely because the constant correction will make students doubt their ability. When it comes to sparring, make sure you pad the students up completely, including chest protectors, and do not let them make any contact to the head at all. Free sparring after all, should be just a fun game of tag and you should remove any of the competitive and real aspects from it. No matter what, every student should always pass testing no matter how well they did on that day. In other words, by removing all of the difficulty and challenge out of the art, you will keep more students. And finally, remove any and all practical martial defense skills from your program as they are too difficult to learn and therefore should be shelved. Not everyone wants to be a ‘Bruce Lee or Chuck Norris” he reminded us.

While he was giving us these little “tidbits” of wisdom, he kept telling everyone how this change increased his retention in “this” area and “that.” In other words, his plan was to dumb down the program as a whole. This actually made my skin crawl even more than the wimp-if-ication of his program (is that a word?) As I left the seminar, I could hear some of the instructors talk about how great the seminar was and how they were going to implement this stuff when they got back. Really? I recall Master Joohn Rhee’s (the guy that taught Bruce Lee how to kick) response to ideas such as these. “Students” he said, “rise to the expectations gently placed upon them. A student with no expectations will achieve little.” (Yes, I think this a paraphrase of two different Confucius quotes.) I knew what NOT to do in the future.

I have been teaching martial arts for a very long time now. Over forty years. Long enough that some of my own students have opened their own schools and some have reached MASTER rank in Taekwondo. If there is one thing that I know, it’s if we, as adults, parents, and teachers, set reasonable goals, and set reasonable expectations, our students will not only meet them, but will rise well above them. When a young lady student of mine, didn’t break her wood at testing (I cannot recall how many times now, perhaps 6?) I was just as unhappy for her as her parent. While that many no changes are rare, I do know that when setbacks happen we learn from them more than we do our successes. It forces us to develop a tough skin and resolve to overcome that challenge. Yes, there were some tears but I always had faith that she could do it and the belief that she would in the end. That immovable challenge that she overcame has given her far more confidence than anything I could have ever said to her. She did get her black belt and went on to test for her third degree at Nationals!

As parents the natural reaction is to make things easier for your children. It makes your lives easier because you don’t have to deal with the tears and drama as your children learn to shake off the setback, whether that setback is something major like not passing a testing or as minor as getting hit too hard a particular day when sparring. But if we get in the way and dumb down our expectations, children do not learn or develop the toughness it takes to overcome the greater challenges they will face in adolescence and adulthood. Never underestimate the value of toughness. It will pull us through when talent, skill, or knowledge can’t. Obtainable yes, but easier no. Yeah, I could make more money, but my students wouldn’t be the martial artists they are now and would never be able to live up to a favorite motto of mine. “Other people find excuses. Black Belts find a WAY!”