I had a young man once who was terrified of breaking boards. He had been having trouble for weeks with his hand technique because he would pull his hand back in fear rather than commit to hitting the board. He always broke his board before leaving class but it took him numerous tries, a great deal of coaching and sometimes a few tears of frustration. At testing, his form was excellent and his sparring was well above what I expected. When he was taking off his gear, I could tell that he was already stressing about his boards, as he turned pale. As he lined up, his fidgeting indicated his stress level was building to a near breaking point. Finally, his turn came. He set up his stations and waited to bow in.

With a crack and a pop, he broke both stations on the first try. Yes, he was nervous and I am sure that he felt his heart in his chest the entire time, but when the realization that he did it sunk in the expression on his face was priceless. After that testing, I never remember him having problems with boards again. He had taken something he was fearful and dreaded to something that was good at and a source of pride. If you read any periodicals these days, you will hear that parents are too quick to swoop in and take over when their kid hit adversity. They either allow them to avoid what they are afraid of or insist on moving the standard so it is more attainable. I understand this temptation. However, there is nothing worse for a child. They can do it. Generations of kids before them did it. This generation can too. Even if they do not find immediate success, they can do it on their own without our help.

This young man discovered this when it came to his breaking stations. That is because breaking, more than anything else, is also test of will. It is not a just a test of strength. Not just a test of technique. What breaking tests is the heart, the will, and the determination. What stops people from breaking more than anything else is fear. Fear that it will hurt (it doesn’t) or that they will fail (which WILL happen if they are fearful). People that are successful with breaking do so because, while they feel the fear, they push it aside and just attack it. It isn’t that they have no fear. That would be overconfidence and that is just as dangerous as fear. What they have is a resolve and that takes the energy of fear and turns it into power.

Facing fear is a practiced skill. The more we face it, the more we accept it, and the more we push ourselves forward to accept greater challenges in life. Leaders are forged that way. Leaders overcome obstacles in a fashion other people will think is casual and make it look easy. In fact, leaders feel the same fear as everyone else. They just aren’t crippled by it because they have practiced facing fear so many times they know how to steel their nerves so they can take decisive and immediate action rather than hesitate or avoid the situation due to fear.

No one is asking any kid to do anything more than kids of yesteryear were asked to do. In fact, the kids today are asked to do far less than any other generation, which is probably why they struggle so much with confidence and self-reliance. They have faced so little and thus haven’t been given the opportunity to grow into something much greater. It isn’t their fault. In trying to help them avoid “what we went through” we have deprived them the ability to become who we have become ourselves.